Terror in the Stalls

The Stanford CSI Lab has finally made headway on the mysterious and highly annoying case of the 3rd Floor Men's Bathroom peeer-pooper-shower-destroyer. CSI explains they had long been sidetracked by the most plausible and likely of scenarios: uncoordinated offenses by multiple offenders. Authorities have been quoted as saying, "We were so busy pursuing rational theories that we forgot to consider the least plausible, most unlikely one!" When the removable showerhead grip was broken sometime last week, CSI chalked it up to just another douche who made a mess, left the broken piece in the shower for someone to cut his foot on, and didn't even bother to file a FixIt. But Detective Willy Johnson--who on multiple counts has been ridiculed for his blind, unwavering faith in the goodness of mankind--refused to attribute this vandalism to a simple act of human douchebaggery. According to him, "The answer was right under our noses [and in the toilet]. We just had to sniff it out [of the poop]." CSI now claims to have strongly tied the case to a single culprit: "The vast body of evidence suggests that a fixed-thumb animal, most likely a bear, is responsible for numerous incidents of pissing on the floor beneath the urinal, clogging the toilets, and most recently mauling the showerhead in a misguided attempt to operate it without opposable thumbs." Johnson will be awarded a Scooby Snack for his brilliant deduction. The CSI provided the following composite sketch for mass circulation: