Select Ramblings of an Eager Traveler

Time: 5:20pm
Location: Train to Venezia

As the train scoots by rows of sapling trees and the conductor's announcement intrudes on the construction projects defacing the countryside, Brent sleeps with his hand between his legs, just a hop, skip, and a jump from his testicles. We have arrived in Padua, where--if I am not mistaken--Romeo fled after killing Tybalt. "Con M&M's viaggi sempre in compagnia." I cough midtranslation. Brent ousts his hand from between his thighs and begins rubbing his buttocks. Just kidding.

The adventure is only beginning, but already much has come to pass. In summary, I have peed on the subway, been called perverse by the young, angry German who watched me do it, taken a free tour of Munich lead by an Australian, tried to convince a pyschotic Scottish roommate that eating trans-fats doesn't alter your DNA, peed on a railroad (accidentally this time), tried twice and failed twice to chug a liter of beer, and rescued a flock of tourists from their own physical weakness.

The train ride is setting with the sun. I see yellow houses, graffitied fences, bare branches reaching for the sky like inverted Chinese scalp massagers. A green bridge, greener than the grass beneath it, is following our train subtly, but I am oh so aware of its presence. In the distance someone has clipped his hedges to look like giant poodles. Finally, someone on a bicycle. I can tell we are in Italy instead of Germany because the trains are all different colors, instead of matching.