Tuesday, June 15, 2010
World Cup: Match 8 - Germany vs. Australia
Charlie Davies, a loss for the US. Rio Ferdinand, a loss for England. Nani, a loss for Portugal. Didier Drogba, would have certified an early exit for Cote d'Ivoire. And Arjen Robben's foolish hamstring tear, a temporary loss for all lovers of the beautiful game. The long and esteemed list of injuries preceding this world cup has been astonishing. But there's one that was really a blessing in disguise: Michael Ballack's ankle injury has transformed a reliable German Volkswagen into the ultimate driving machine. Just ask Australia, upon whom Germany's descent was both fast and furious. The awesome series of passes leading to Podolski's unstoppable rip in the 8th minute would have done the Klinsmann-Voller combo (that won the 1990 World Cup) proud. Miroslav Klose's unbelievable flying header in the 26th that saw him soar like Superman between the last defender and the keeper is his 11th World Cup goal. He had 5 in 2002 and 5 more in 2006, when he won the Golden Boot (for top goal-scorer of the tournament). Seven of his eleven goals have come on headers, which is a little surprising considering he is only 5'11"--not exactly short but a good head beneath his teammates on the pregame starting lineup camera pan. (You'd never guess that Steven Nash is actually 6'3" if you watched him on a basketball court.) At this rate, don't be surprised if Klose challenges Ronaldo's 15-goal record for all time World Cup scorer. We are all rooting for him.In the second half, Australia demonstrated that even with 8 players behind the ball (a trick they must have learned from watching Uruguay fend off France or the United States retreat against England), they were helpless against the German onslaught that produced two more BEAUTIFUL goals before hanging up their boots. Thomas Muller's cut back and slicing shot between the defender's legs was savory and at least to my eyes lingered triumphantly against the inside of the post before squirting into the back of the net (67'). And Caucau put the icing on the cake just 1 minute and 52 seconds after subbing in for Klose (70'). For those of you who were wondering, Caucau's name and dark skin are no coincidence. He was born Claudemir Jeronimo Barretto, but as is customary for Brazilians, he got himself a cool nickname.
Australia's knight in shining armor, Tim Cahill, had no response, as he was watching the game from the locker room after being sent off in the 56th minute for a slide tackle from behind. To be fair, the red was very harsh as he visibly pulled his legs out of the tackle and only knocked Bastian Schweinsteiger with his knees. If he were allowed to appeal the card, I'm sure he'd be there for the next game, but red cards cannot be appealed in the World Cup and Australia will be stranded without him in their next match up against Ghana.
I might have expected more from Australia a few months ago but after watching their 2-1 loss to New Zealand in stoppage time and their pitiful performance in a 3-1 loss to the US, I will not be surprised to see Australia finish 32 of 32. We'll find out in the coming weekend whether Germany are really as good as they look or whether a piss-poor Australian squad has made them look like titans only by comparison. And let's not forget that Germany always starts their World Cups with a flurry of goals (4-2 in the opener vs. Costa Rica in 2006 and 8-0!!! against Saudi Arabia in 2002, which is one goal shy of the record).
Only caught one FUNNY COMMENTARY for this game
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After the 4th goal: "This game is over as a contest but not yet over as an exhibition."
World Cup: Match 7 - Ghana vs. Serbia
1-0 Ghana. A lot of opportunities on both sides, but Ghana played better and the pressure they put on Serbia paid off when Aleksandar Lukovic got his second yellow ('74) and Zdravko Kuzmanovic tried one of those fake-the-header handballs (ala Maradona's Hand of God) in his own box. The referee caught him and Asamoah Gyan scored the PK for the win (though it wasn't a terribly good one).
As much as I'd like to see a lot of African teams go on, I have to support my bracket predictions at some point. Here's a few reasons I think Serbia still has a chance. 1) They played better with 10 players. 2) Germany will underestimate them. 3) Bulgaria opened the '94 World Cup with a 3-0 loss to Nigeria. Things looked hopeless for them, but then a 4-0 destruction of Greece and 2-0 upset of Argentina--who had already beaten both Greece (4-0) and Nigeria (2-1)--saw them through. After that, they went all the way to the semi-finals. So an early setback isn't necessarily an ill omen. And there's gotta be an Eastern European dark horse (we like to call it a Cinderella story). Bulgaria: 4th in '94, Croatia: 3rd in 1998, Turkey: 3rd in 2002. Unluckily, Ukraine met the eventually champions in the quarterfinals of '06 and couldn't make it to the semis. I only wish that Serbia were playing Germany last instead of second. A nice 4-0 drumming of their own against Australia would really bring the spark of confidence they need to take on the soccer powerhouse. For now, I'll just pray...
As much as I'd like to see a lot of African teams go on, I have to support my bracket predictions at some point. Here's a few reasons I think Serbia still has a chance. 1) They played better with 10 players. 2) Germany will underestimate them. 3) Bulgaria opened the '94 World Cup with a 3-0 loss to Nigeria. Things looked hopeless for them, but then a 4-0 destruction of Greece and 2-0 upset of Argentina--who had already beaten both Greece (4-0) and Nigeria (2-1)--saw them through. After that, they went all the way to the semi-finals. So an early setback isn't necessarily an ill omen. And there's gotta be an Eastern European dark horse (we like to call it a Cinderella story). Bulgaria: 4th in '94, Croatia: 3rd in 1998, Turkey: 3rd in 2002. Unluckily, Ukraine met the eventually champions in the quarterfinals of '06 and couldn't make it to the semis. I only wish that Serbia were playing Germany last instead of second. A nice 4-0 drumming of their own against Australia would really bring the spark of confidence they need to take on the soccer powerhouse. For now, I'll just pray...
World Cup: Match 6 - Slovenia vs. Algeria
1-0 Slovenia. Couldn't get up at 4am to see this, but I'm happy to know that neither of these teams poses any threat. But here's where things get interesting. If the US can outscore England against these teams, we'll be on the easy side of the bracket that could see us through to the semi-finals (where we would meet a woeful end against Brazil or the Netherlands). On the other side, we would have to go through Argentina and Germany. Please make it rain!
World Cup: Match 5 - England vs. USA
Last night, one of my friends told me she'd rather be lucky than good. Thinking back on the USA-England game, I think she might be onto something...
Although everyone but the staunchest US fans had been maliciously awaiting a good old-fashioned slogging ever since the draw came out (remember: most of the world hates the US and therefore our soccer team), in the final weeks before the start of the World Cup, analysts began to favor the probability of a 1-1 draw, given key injuries to Rio Ferdinand and Gareth Barry, upon whom England relied to shore up the center of defense and midfield, respectively. Add to that the growing confidence of the US team (emphasis on team), England's predisposition for slow starts and the immense pressure from their country's--and the world's--great expectations, and the certainty of an English victory--much less a rout--was shrouded in a fog of doubt.
To tell the truth, the honesty and realism of these doubts made me nervous. The US was supposed to be the underdog: a team that was vastly underrated due to its lack of talented individuals, but at the same time a team that could really come together, a team that was far greater than the sum of its parts, a team that could surprise the world. Now that analysts were considering that a side chock-full of big name players wouldn't necessarily congeal, I almost began to feel like England was the underdog! And I did not want the US team to waltz onto the field brimming with confidence because now everyone was expecting a surprise upset (tie).
I liked it better when I was BOLD enough to predict a draw. That's because I have faith in the US team when they play outside of Europe--after all, we did great at home in '94 and even better in Korea/Japan '02 (compared to failing in France '98 and Germany '06). We're good... every other World Cup. And 2010 was on key to be a good one. Of course, I would subscribe to insanity like Alexi Lalas, who predicted a 2-1 upset and has devoted every other comment in protesting that his faith in the US team is objective. But could you really trust a man who walked onto the pitch sporting this 'doo?
When the game started and the USA didn't look half bad, I breathed a sigh of relief, happy to know that a draw was indeed possible. But when England scored in the FOURTH!!! minute, it was they that breathed the sigh of relief, as all their tension melted away. There was no worse way for that game to start for the US than for the doubtful English side to get a goal immediately. The future flashed before my eyes, Nike commercial style: US spanked 4-0 by England, tie Algeria, draw Slovenia, and fail to go on. Mass disappointment solidifies soccer as an edge sport in the US for another century.
But what I saw in the next 30 minutes of the game surprised me, pleasantly. The US began to...not dominate...but edge England on possession, and though England continued to have the dangerous chances, the US definitely had a large number of moderately decent ones. As it turns out, often quantity does beat quality and the US were rewarded with a goal in the 39th minute, and I mean rewarded. Robert Green (the English keeper) might as well have gift-wrapped Clint Dempsey's un-threatening shot before pushing it awkwardly into the goal. It just goes to show that any shot on target is threatening, more threatening than the closest shave off a post or the most beautiful rifle from distance that just fails to dip that extra foot. I can hear coaches all over the US annoyingly emphasizing the importance of getting shots on frame...their young players' eyes rolling as they dream of more epic shots. And now they have undeniable proof: "shoot it at the keeper if you have to! You never know...he just might F$$$ up."
I was surprised to find that people are blaming the ball for this goal as well. The shot was along the ground, not sailing through the air where it would be "exposed to unpredictable atmospheric forces." I think Robert Green is alone on this one.
During half-time England recovered from their ill-fortune and came back out looking for blood. The US, very much content with a draw, came back out only to defend it. The last 45+4 minutes of the game were some of the most nerve-wracking of my life, especially because I was missing the line-up for my graduation ceremony to watch them. England looked sharp and lively. Wayne Rooney, silent in the first half, came to play in the second. And I was terrified we would not survive the onslaught, especially because our game plan seemed to be defend (poorly), get saved in the last minute by Tim Howard, and then play it up to our forwards who would immediately turn it over so that England could have another go. I mean honestly, what is so difficult about HOLDING the ball so that at least a few more players can join you, so that even if you don't get a scoring opportunity, you run some time off the clock between theirs. It's a frustration I've faced with my own club when we're under siege and a critical skill for forwards to exhibit when they're defense is getting bombarded. Give them a chance to catch their breath at least before you set the dogs loose. I saw Donavan hold it back once and shouted my thanks at the television, because the wise move produced one of our few good chances in the second half.
When time finally ran out, I screamed a triumphant "Yes!" in relief, only to find that time had not actually run out. I'm not sure the uninformed crowd around me understood the consequences of this game or the importance of this draw. They seemed a little disappointed in fact. But they had some right to be: the game was definitely not pretty. But it was great news for me and I booked it to graduation with my blood pressure not quite so elevated as it had been minutes before.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
Cross too high for Rooney: "Rooney...just couldn't quite grow enough!"
Although everyone but the staunchest US fans had been maliciously awaiting a good old-fashioned slogging ever since the draw came out (remember: most of the world hates the US and therefore our soccer team), in the final weeks before the start of the World Cup, analysts began to favor the probability of a 1-1 draw, given key injuries to Rio Ferdinand and Gareth Barry, upon whom England relied to shore up the center of defense and midfield, respectively. Add to that the growing confidence of the US team (emphasis on team), England's predisposition for slow starts and the immense pressure from their country's--and the world's--great expectations, and the certainty of an English victory--much less a rout--was shrouded in a fog of doubt.
To tell the truth, the honesty and realism of these doubts made me nervous. The US was supposed to be the underdog: a team that was vastly underrated due to its lack of talented individuals, but at the same time a team that could really come together, a team that was far greater than the sum of its parts, a team that could surprise the world. Now that analysts were considering that a side chock-full of big name players wouldn't necessarily congeal, I almost began to feel like England was the underdog! And I did not want the US team to waltz onto the field brimming with confidence because now everyone was expecting a surprise upset (tie).
I liked it better when I was BOLD enough to predict a draw. That's because I have faith in the US team when they play outside of Europe--after all, we did great at home in '94 and even better in Korea/Japan '02 (compared to failing in France '98 and Germany '06). We're good... every other World Cup. And 2010 was on key to be a good one. Of course, I would subscribe to insanity like Alexi Lalas, who predicted a 2-1 upset and has devoted every other comment in protesting that his faith in the US team is objective. But could you really trust a man who walked onto the pitch sporting this 'doo?
When the game started and the USA didn't look half bad, I breathed a sigh of relief, happy to know that a draw was indeed possible. But when England scored in the FOURTH!!! minute, it was they that breathed the sigh of relief, as all their tension melted away. There was no worse way for that game to start for the US than for the doubtful English side to get a goal immediately. The future flashed before my eyes, Nike commercial style: US spanked 4-0 by England, tie Algeria, draw Slovenia, and fail to go on. Mass disappointment solidifies soccer as an edge sport in the US for another century.
But what I saw in the next 30 minutes of the game surprised me, pleasantly. The US began to...not dominate...but edge England on possession, and though England continued to have the dangerous chances, the US definitely had a large number of moderately decent ones. As it turns out, often quantity does beat quality and the US were rewarded with a goal in the 39th minute, and I mean rewarded. Robert Green (the English keeper) might as well have gift-wrapped Clint Dempsey's un-threatening shot before pushing it awkwardly into the goal. It just goes to show that any shot on target is threatening, more threatening than the closest shave off a post or the most beautiful rifle from distance that just fails to dip that extra foot. I can hear coaches all over the US annoyingly emphasizing the importance of getting shots on frame...their young players' eyes rolling as they dream of more epic shots. And now they have undeniable proof: "shoot it at the keeper if you have to! You never know...he just might F$$$ up."
I was surprised to find that people are blaming the ball for this goal as well. The shot was along the ground, not sailing through the air where it would be "exposed to unpredictable atmospheric forces." I think Robert Green is alone on this one.
During half-time England recovered from their ill-fortune and came back out looking for blood. The US, very much content with a draw, came back out only to defend it. The last 45+4 minutes of the game were some of the most nerve-wracking of my life, especially because I was missing the line-up for my graduation ceremony to watch them. England looked sharp and lively. Wayne Rooney, silent in the first half, came to play in the second. And I was terrified we would not survive the onslaught, especially because our game plan seemed to be defend (poorly), get saved in the last minute by Tim Howard, and then play it up to our forwards who would immediately turn it over so that England could have another go. I mean honestly, what is so difficult about HOLDING the ball so that at least a few more players can join you, so that even if you don't get a scoring opportunity, you run some time off the clock between theirs. It's a frustration I've faced with my own club when we're under siege and a critical skill for forwards to exhibit when they're defense is getting bombarded. Give them a chance to catch their breath at least before you set the dogs loose. I saw Donavan hold it back once and shouted my thanks at the television, because the wise move produced one of our few good chances in the second half.
When time finally ran out, I screamed a triumphant "Yes!" in relief, only to find that time had not actually run out. I'm not sure the uninformed crowd around me understood the consequences of this game or the importance of this draw. They seemed a little disappointed in fact. But they had some right to be: the game was definitely not pretty. But it was great news for me and I booked it to graduation with my blood pressure not quite so elevated as it had been minutes before.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
Cross too high for Rooney: "Rooney...just couldn't quite grow enough!"
World Cup: Match 4 - Argentina vs. Nigeria
1-0 Argentina. Didn't see the goal live, but my friends tell me it was a thunderous by Heinz. I did however see Messi live up to expectations. He didn't score, but he got himself in plenty of goal-scoring opportunities and forced some excellent saves from the Nigerian keeper. He just lacked the final execution, but that is sure to come so long as he continues to play with confidence. I was very afraid Messi would choke (like Ronaldo) or that Maradona would bench him so that he couldn't surpass his legend. Glad to see neither happened. Glad to see that Messi is not imitating the coke-fiendery of Maradona. And glad to see a margin of victory that keeps Nigeria in the running.
Here's to watching Messi do this against Korea:
Here's to watching Messi do this against Korea:
World Cup: Match 3 - South Korea vs. Greece
Didn't see it, but I hear S. Korea dominated and Greece adds itself to the list of teams that showed promise months ago but now only show promise of leaving quickly.
Check out Park Ji-Sung's goal, if you haven't seen it: an atrocious give away by a Greek defender and powerful run by Park, followed by one of the most effeminate celebrations I have ever seen. Even if you don't care about the goal, check it out for the froofy windmill dance.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
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"Korea's pin-up boy puts his own name in lights ... (30 second pause) ...with a scampering, dancing, incisive, goal-scoring run."
Check out Park Ji-Sung's goal, if you haven't seen it: an atrocious give away by a Greek defender and powerful run by Park, followed by one of the most effeminate celebrations I have ever seen. Even if you don't care about the goal, check it out for the froofy windmill dance.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
-----------------------------
"Korea's pin-up boy puts his own name in lights ... (30 second pause) ...with a scampering, dancing, incisive, goal-scoring run."
World Cup: Match 2 - France vs. Uruguay
At 11:20am Pacific time, I slipped on my pearly white Zidane jersey and biked to the campus pub in full awareness of the irony of my garb, for I had no intention of cheering for France. In fact, I would go so far as to call my sporting of the French jersey bitterly sardonic, as I slid into my chair and eagerly awaited the next 90 minutes of French impotence. They certainly didn't disappoint. And I urge anyone who expected otherwise to watch their recent friendlies--a draw with Tunisia and a LOSS to China!--or review the past 2000 years of French hisory, which has only rarely been dotted with success and always thanks to a non-French outsider (Napolean was Corsican, Zidane Algerian, Joan d'Arc a schizophrenic woman).I feel sorry for any fans of goal-scoring or creative play who braved watching this game, which saw a highly tactical Uruguayan side lay down a wall of five defenders that France was outright incapable of penetrating. Franck Ribery was unimpressive for the most part. Patrice Evra (captain) played the worst game of his life and quickly earned a yellow card after several frustrated attempts to disrobe his opponents after losing the ball to them. And Gourcuff is just about the worst player I've ever seen on a professional pitch. I can't believe the team had hopes he would be their next Zidane. Not only is the comparison insulting, but Samir Nasri, a creative French Algerian (like Zidane) who plays for Arsenal and definitely has the youth, fire, and tenacity of a Gunner was left at home by Raymond Domenech in what must have been an attempt to oust Diego Maradona as worst coach of the tournament.
The only thing working well for France was the Sagna-Anelka duo (Sagna crossing onto Anelka's head), which was definitely France's only chance of scoring. Unfortunately, Anelka was subbed off to make room for Henry, who I'm sorry to say is not the man he used to be. Now, I've got plenty of friends who were furious Henry was not subbed in sooner, but as far as I can tell, he is the scrub that Barcelona has pegged him as. Henry fans: give it a rest already. Henry: you should have taken a page from Zidane's book and gone out on top, with a bang.
The only thing really exciting about this game was watching Diego Forlan, who is a true professional and was the well-deserved Man of the Match. He has the killer instinct of a veteran. Like Diego Milito in the Champions League final or that brilliant Brazilian goal-scoring dinosaur Ronaldo, no matter how old they get, they can still score goals like it's nobody's business. Of course, Forlan didn't get the opportunities he needed thanks to Uruguay's defensive strategy, which was not interrupted by the injection of Nicolas Lodeira--"the playmaker"--who received a yellow card within 2 minutes of subbing in and a second for the ejection 16 minutes later. Great job there, guy! At least I'm glad to see that Uruguay eventually recognized France's feebleness and decided to go for it, though in the end I'm a little nervous I picked them to go on to the elimination round, as they didn't really offer much in terms of possessing the ball.
Group A started a toss up. And now it's even more of a toss up! But if there's one thing I'd bet on it's France three and out. Wake up, people! France is not good. France was never good. Their recent success has always hinged upon the brilliance of Zinedine Zidane, who I hope will eventually go down in the history books for being the only player to single-handedly unravel an unstoppable Brazilian side. And he did it twice! ZIDANE and HOME-FIELD ADVANTAGE won the world cup in '98 and ZIDANE ALONE almost won it in '06. Too bad the French are worthless without him. They proved it in '02 and they're proving it now. Just wait and see!Now, for the good news. Check out this priceless
FUNNY COMMENTARY
All in the deadpan British commentator voice...
On the French team: "They're fitted with a Rolls-Royce engine but they're performing more like a go-kart."
On Gourcuff's shot that went WAAAAY wide: "Gourcuff...that nearly frightened the corner flag."
On a French corner kick late in the game: "A really poor corner... a really terrible corner."
World Cup: Match 1 - South Africa vs. Mexico
After months of anticipation (idle waiting, in my case), the World Cup is finally here. And the opener was not a game to disappoint, despite the mediocre participants. Mexico--a team beloved (and inevitably mourned) by their fans--showed some spark of promise after embarrassing the Italians 2-1 in a recent friendly. As was expected of them, they came to play and dominated the South Africans in the first half. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, 'Even if South Africa is bad, Mexico looks very good.' Indeed, they were good, handling themselves like a world class club pitted against an inferior opponent, the well-practiced cat playing with the mouse that will be its dinner. Dos Santos looked especially deadly. A volley of goals seemed inevitable: South Africa was absolutely doomed. But by some miraculous force--perhaps the defiant buzz of Vuvuzelas like a swarm of angry bees protecting their hive, or the exceptional refereeing that correctly called back a marginally offsides goal, or the lack of killer instinct among the Mexicans, or the heroic acrobatics of Kuhne, the South African keeper--Mexico could not score! And gradually the South Africans shook off their nerves and took some control of the game in the last minutes of the first half.Of course, if you trusted the commentators, you wouldn't have seen it that way. So certain in their preconceptions of which team was good, so preoccupied with the broad chasm in the rankings, the commentators failed to see in the first half the promise of what the South Africans would deliver in the second. But let's not sling too much criticism their way. After all, they're British: stodgy by custom, owing to the stiff rod that is placed up their bums in their most sacred birth ritual. Though I prefer them to American commentators by a mile, their lack of enthusiasm in enthusiastic moments is hugely disappointing and hides the unbridled emotion that is so much a part of soccer. Compare: "A brilliant goal." "Oh yes, he's done well to put that away." to "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!"
(pause) "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!" "GOL! GOL! GOL! GOL!"
Spanish commentators feel the emotion of the players. They help you understand (a little) why the players dog-pile and straddle each other! The emotion is just overwhelming. I'd learn to speak Spanish just for the futbol!
So after a half time report that completely overlooked the mixed emotions of the South Africans (who carried the weight of a continent's materializing destiny on their backs) and rather focused on how the teams compared on paper (mostly FIFA rankings with a little 1st half statistics thrown in for good measure), the players marched back out onto the field. And to everyone's surprise except for those actually watching the game, South Africa came out and scored an absolute zinger in the 55th minute. If you haven't seen the goal, GO WATCH IT NOW! (Check out the celebratory dance, as well). It's an echo of the Thomas Lahm goal that opened the 2006 World Cup, with even more juice. And it's definitely going to be one of the goals of the tournament. Look at the build-up out of the South African box, the one-touch passes, the vision. And the strike. It was thunderous! Or as the beloved Zulu commentator Zama Masando puts it, "Laduma" (to thunder in Zulu). It was the epitome of Laduma, shooting right into the top right corner of the side netting. There was absolutely no better shot he could have taken from that angle. I think one of the commentators even joked, "They couldn't have stopped it with five keepers!"
South Africa's keeper continued to come up with big saves, including an especially dynamic flying save on a lively Dos Santos strike destined for the upper right corner. He also continued his unparalleled distribution: punts to player's feet, several break-away passes...this guy is a hero of a keeper. South Africa had a great chance for a second goal on a piercing pass into the box and a great first touch by Modise. But his softness in the follow-up saw the opportunity squandered. It was a shame too: all he needed to do was step between the ball and the defender and goal would have been his. Instead, his second touch failed him. Surprisingly, Mexico subbed in Cuauhtémoc Blanco, the oldest field player in the tournament. And damn was he a FAT dinosaur. With Blanco's huge belly and terrible first touch, I was wondering a long time about the coach's decision. Eventually, he settled down and played a few good balls into the box, I guess. Still, pretty hilarious to watch. It's not every day you see a chubby bunny out on the professional soccer pitch. And with the new form-fitting style of jerseys, you could appreciate every ripple...
Unfortunately, South Africa's inexperience eventually caught up with them, when one defender failed to move up with the offsides trap, leaving 3 Mexican players on sides all by their lonesome, and Rafa Marquez fooled the keeper from point blank range (not that he needed to).
Late in the game, with Mexico closing in (somewhat) Khune stepped up his distribution out of the back and put Mphela through for a 1-on-1 on a gorgeous 3/4 field dropkick. Mphela found the Mexican keeper dead in his tracks in poor position but failed to capitalize due to poor ball control, though he did manage to hit the post.
All in all, Mexico definitely had the majority of the ball and the opportunities, but they should count themselves lucky that South Africa lacked the killer instinct. Fortunately, they won't have to worry about that in their next match either: the French side is as impotent as they come.
Now for some...
FUNNY MOMENTS IN COMMENTATING
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Scenario: South Africa gets a through ball into the box but gets called offsides. The one-time shot is well wide of the goal anyway.
Commentary: "And that would have been the game...had it been allowed to stand...had it gone in the net."
Lesson: British commentators are often just as stupid as Americans, but it's much harder to glean beyond their well cunning British accents.
World Cup: Match 13 - Ivory Coast vs. Portugal
Didier Drogba was sitting on the bench, so the only memorable moments from the first half came from Cristiano Ronaldo. Yes, he had a good shot. But what I'm talking about are the several times he tried to do moves, kicked the ball out of bounds by accident and then appealed to the referee (for a foul?). I'm not really sure what he was appealing, because often he wasn't even touched. Mainly he wanted the referee to save him from looking stupid. But guess what? He did look stupid, especially with his pouty face.
What else should we expect from a player who is almost as famous for his boyish good-looks as his football?
In the second half, Ronaldo received a yellow card and Drogba entered the game. Also, bicycle kick practice payed off for Liedson, who came inches from destroying Yaya Toure's face. But neither team seemed to able to put anything menacing together and one of the most anticipated and important clashes of the group stage ended in a nil-nil draw. In fact, Portugal's gameplan seemed to be 'dribble the fullbacks' or play a cheeky back-heel through pass. FACT: A Portuguese player is the only in professional soccer history to attempt a penalty kick with a back heel.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
At the half-time whistle: "Dreadfully negative display by the Portuguese. Really awful!"
Droba gets subbed in: "Didier Drogba...the TalisMAN of Ivory Coast. He's there. He's out there."
Ronaldo falls down again: "And if there is contact, you know Cristiano Ronaldo is going to go down."
What else should we expect from a player who is almost as famous for his boyish good-looks as his football?
In the second half, Ronaldo received a yellow card and Drogba entered the game. Also, bicycle kick practice payed off for Liedson, who came inches from destroying Yaya Toure's face. But neither team seemed to able to put anything menacing together and one of the most anticipated and important clashes of the group stage ended in a nil-nil draw. In fact, Portugal's gameplan seemed to be 'dribble the fullbacks' or play a cheeky back-heel through pass. FACT: A Portuguese player is the only in professional soccer history to attempt a penalty kick with a back heel.
FUNNY COMMENTARY
At the half-time whistle: "Dreadfully negative display by the Portuguese. Really awful!"
Droba gets subbed in: "Didier Drogba...the TalisMAN of Ivory Coast. He's there. He's out there."
Ronaldo falls down again: "And if there is contact, you know Cristiano Ronaldo is going to go down."
Sunday, June 13, 2010
World Cup: Match 8 - Germany vs. Australia
Charlie Davies, a loss for the US. Rio Ferdinand, a loss for England. Nani, a loss for Portugal. Didier Drogba, would have certified an early exit for Cote d'Ivoire. And Arjen Robben's foolish hamstring tear, a temporary loss for all lovers of the beautiful game. The long and esteemed list of injuries preceding this world cup has been astonishing. But there's one that was really a blessing in disguise: Michael Ballack's ankle injury has transformed a reliable German Volkswagen into the ultimate driving machine. Just ask Australia, upon whom Germany's descent was both fast and furious. The awesome series of passes leading to Podolski's unstoppable rip in the 8th minute would have done the Klinsmann-Voller combo (that won the 1990 World Cup) proud. Miroslav Klose's unbelievable flying header in the 26th that saw him soar like Superman between the last defender and the keeper is his 11th World Cup goal. He had 5 in 2002 and 5 more in 2006, when he won the Golden Boot (for top goal-scorer of the tournament). Seven of his eleven goals have come on headers, which is a little surprising considering he is only 5'11"--not exactly short but a good head beneath his teammates on the pregame starting lineup camera pan. (You'd never guess that Steven Nash is actually 6'3" if you watched him on a basketball court.) At this rate, don't be surprised if Klose challenges Ronaldo's 15-goal record for all time World Cup scorer. We are all rooting for him.In the second half, Australia demonstrated that even with 8 players behind the ball (a trick they must have learned from watching Uruguay fend off France or the United States retreat against England), they were helpless against the German onslaught that produced two more BEAUTIFUL goals before hanging up their boots. Thomas Muller's cut back and slicing shot between the defender's legs was savory and at least to my eyes lingered triumphantly against the inside of the post before squirting into the back of the net (67'). And Caucau put the icing on the cake just 1 minute and 52 seconds after subbing in for Klose (70'). For those of you who were wondering, Caucau's name and dark skin are no coincidence. He was born Claudemir Jeronimo Barretto, but as is customary for Brazilians, he got himself a cool nickname.
Australia's knight in shining armor, Tim Cahill, had no response, as he was watching the game from the locker room after being sent off in the 56th minute for a slide tackle from behind. To be fair, the red was very harsh as he visibly pulled his legs out of the tackle and only knocked Bastian Schweinsteiger with his knees. If he were allowed to appeal the card, I'm sure he'd be there for the next game, but red cards cannot be appealed in the World Cup and Australia will be stranded without him in their next match up against Ghana.
I might have expected more from Australia a few months ago but after watching their 2-1 loss to New Zealand in stoppage time and their pitiful performance in a 3-1 loss to the US, I will not be surprised to see Australia finish 32 of 32. We'll find out in the coming weekend whether Germany are really as good as they look or whether a piss-poor Australian squad has made them look like titans only by comparison. And let's not forget that Germany always starts their World Cups with a flurry of goals (4-2 in the opener vs. Costa Rica in 2006 and 8-0!!! against Saudi Arabia in 2002, which is one goal shy of the record).
Only caught one FUNNY COMMENTARY for this game
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After the 4th goal: "This game is over as a contest but not yet over as an exhibition."
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
100 Days of Dr. Dictionary, Round 3
1. fugacious: lasting but a short time
2. turbid: thick with or as if with roiled sediment
3. innocuous: harmless; producing no ill effect
4. redolent: having or exuding fragrance
5. fetor: a strong, offensive smell; stench
"NL, exhausted from a fugacious and altogether innocuous attempt at lovemaking, cautiously slipped off the now turbid banana peel, having replaced its once redolent aroma with a fetor that even the best trained dog would flee from."
6. pukka: authentic; genuine
7. convivial: fond of feasting, drinking, and good company
8. titivate: to make decorative additions to
9. foofaraw: excessive or flashy ornamentation or decoration
10. burgeon: to begin to grow or blossom
11. raffish: characterized by or suggestive of flashy vulgarity, crudeness, or rowdiness
12. incarnadine: having a fleshy pink color
13. descry: to detect
14. cavort: to bound or prance about
"Descrying a convivial party across the hallway and wanting to make a pukka impression, AR cavorted back into his room and rapidly titivated his costume, which after several applications of glitter, bubble wrap, and raspberry peanut butter swirls burgeoned into a veritable foofaraw that coverd him from head to toe, save for some raffish omissions that displayed his most private and incarnadine features."
15. triskaidekaphobia: fear of the number 13
16. excupate: to relieve of blame
17. reverie: a state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing
18. esurient: hungry; greedy
19. predilection: a predisposition to choose or like
"Far from displaying triskaidekaphobia, JV regards the number thirteen almost with reverie, esurient in his collection of bad luck charms, which excupate his predilection for sorrow."
20. propitious: presenting favorable circumstances or conditions
21. sinuous: characterized by many curves or turns
22. traduce: to vilify
23. delectation: great pleasure
24. crapulous: given to or characterized by gross excess in drinking or eating
25. bucolic: rustic
26. sacrosanct: extremely sacred or inviolable
27. voluptuary: a person devoted to luxury and the gratification of sensual appetites
28. gadabout: someone who romes about in search of amusement or social activity
29. rictus: a gaping grin or grimace
30. flout: to mock, to scoff
31. pecorate: to speak or expound at length
"BS, once regarding the sobriety of his mind as sacrosanct, has been seduced by the bottle--that sinuous voluptuary!--and now pecorates at length about the propitious delectation of good scotch, a crapulous gadabout who on more than one occasion has stood before a statue and flouted the cut of its trousers and form of its shoes just before collapsing in front of it with a gentle rictus on his face, dreaming of the sweet liquid he was once keen to traduce, no better than a bucolic dunderhead."
32. dalliance: frivolous spending of time
33. peradventure: possibly; perhaps
34. metier: a profession
35. travail: painful or aduous work; severe toil or exertion
36. celerity: rapidity of motion or action
equipoise: a state of being equally balanced
37. desultory: jumping or passing from one thing or subject to another without order or rational connection
38. brio: enthusiastic vigor
39. stultify: to render useless or ineffectual
"Peradventure, if I do not cease these desultory and stultifying dalliances, arrive at some equipoise between work and play, and commense with celerity and brio the travail of submitting my secondary applications, I shall never attain the metier I desire."
40. tchotchke: a knickknack
41. farrago: a confused mixture
42. logorrhea: incessant or compulsive talkativeness
43. lucubration: the act of studying by candlelight
44. puissant: powerful; mighty
45. carom: a rebound following a collision
46. fecund: capable of producing offspring or vegetation
47. undulation: a regular rising and falling or movement to alternating sides
48. furtive: done by stealth
49. eldritch: weird; eerie
"Managing to phase out her highly animated logorrhea by furtively concentrating on the tchotchke hanging from her neck and then on the undulation of her bosom, SC wrestled with the farrago of thoughts caroming in his cranium, resisting both the puissant desire to strangle her where she stood and the eldritch urge to bifurcate her legs and commense with fecund lucubration."
50. luminary: a person of eminence or brilliant achievement
51. cynosure: an object that serves as a focal point of attention and admiration
52. abecedarian: one who is learning the alphabet
"When it comes to Halo, I am an abecedarian, Jay is a cynosure, and Brent is a luminary."
53. adjuvant: serving to help or assist
54. truckle: to yield or bend obsequiously to the will of another
55. diktat: a harsh settlement unilaterally imposed on a defeated party
"Jay, here is my diktat: if you want to live with me when you grow up, you'll have to become an adjuvant truckler."
56. furbelow: something showy or superfluous
57. chary: wary; cautious
58. saturnine: having a sardonic or bitter aspect
59. reticent: inclined to keep silent
60. insouciant: marked by lighthearted unconcern or indifference
61. hebetude: mental dullness or sluggishness
62. cognoscente: a person with special knowledge of a subject
"The world is most saturnine when the cognoscentes remain chary, reticent, insouciant even, while the implacable morons make a furbelow of their hebetude."
63. gaucherie: a socially awkward or tactless act
64. refulgent: shining brightly
"Among anything but friends, this post would be a refulgent gaucherie."
65. malapropism: an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously
66. bowdlerize: to remove or modify the parts considered offensive
"If I were to bowdlerize this post and extract the malapropisms from what remained, there'd be nothing left!"
2. turbid: thick with or as if with roiled sediment
3. innocuous: harmless; producing no ill effect
4. redolent: having or exuding fragrance
5. fetor: a strong, offensive smell; stench
"NL, exhausted from a fugacious and altogether innocuous attempt at lovemaking, cautiously slipped off the now turbid banana peel, having replaced its once redolent aroma with a fetor that even the best trained dog would flee from."
6. pukka: authentic; genuine
7. convivial: fond of feasting, drinking, and good company
8. titivate: to make decorative additions to
9. foofaraw: excessive or flashy ornamentation or decoration
10. burgeon: to begin to grow or blossom
11. raffish: characterized by or suggestive of flashy vulgarity, crudeness, or rowdiness
12. incarnadine: having a fleshy pink color
13. descry: to detect
14. cavort: to bound or prance about
"Descrying a convivial party across the hallway and wanting to make a pukka impression, AR cavorted back into his room and rapidly titivated his costume, which after several applications of glitter, bubble wrap, and raspberry peanut butter swirls burgeoned into a veritable foofaraw that coverd him from head to toe, save for some raffish omissions that displayed his most private and incarnadine features."
15. triskaidekaphobia: fear of the number 13
16. excupate: to relieve of blame
17. reverie: a state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing
18. esurient: hungry; greedy
19. predilection: a predisposition to choose or like
"Far from displaying triskaidekaphobia, JV regards the number thirteen almost with reverie, esurient in his collection of bad luck charms, which excupate his predilection for sorrow."
20. propitious: presenting favorable circumstances or conditions
21. sinuous: characterized by many curves or turns
22. traduce: to vilify
23. delectation: great pleasure
24. crapulous: given to or characterized by gross excess in drinking or eating
25. bucolic: rustic
26. sacrosanct: extremely sacred or inviolable
27. voluptuary: a person devoted to luxury and the gratification of sensual appetites
28. gadabout: someone who romes about in search of amusement or social activity
29. rictus: a gaping grin or grimace
30. flout: to mock, to scoff
31. pecorate: to speak or expound at length
"BS, once regarding the sobriety of his mind as sacrosanct, has been seduced by the bottle--that sinuous voluptuary!--and now pecorates at length about the propitious delectation of good scotch, a crapulous gadabout who on more than one occasion has stood before a statue and flouted the cut of its trousers and form of its shoes just before collapsing in front of it with a gentle rictus on his face, dreaming of the sweet liquid he was once keen to traduce, no better than a bucolic dunderhead."
32. dalliance: frivolous spending of time
33. peradventure: possibly; perhaps
34. metier: a profession
35. travail: painful or aduous work; severe toil or exertion
36. celerity: rapidity of motion or action
equipoise: a state of being equally balanced
37. desultory: jumping or passing from one thing or subject to another without order or rational connection
38. brio: enthusiastic vigor
39. stultify: to render useless or ineffectual
"Peradventure, if I do not cease these desultory and stultifying dalliances, arrive at some equipoise between work and play, and commense with celerity and brio the travail of submitting my secondary applications, I shall never attain the metier I desire."
40. tchotchke: a knickknack
41. farrago: a confused mixture
42. logorrhea: incessant or compulsive talkativeness
43. lucubration: the act of studying by candlelight
44. puissant: powerful; mighty
45. carom: a rebound following a collision
46. fecund: capable of producing offspring or vegetation
47. undulation: a regular rising and falling or movement to alternating sides
48. furtive: done by stealth
49. eldritch: weird; eerie
"Managing to phase out her highly animated logorrhea by furtively concentrating on the tchotchke hanging from her neck and then on the undulation of her bosom, SC wrestled with the farrago of thoughts caroming in his cranium, resisting both the puissant desire to strangle her where she stood and the eldritch urge to bifurcate her legs and commense with fecund lucubration."
50. luminary: a person of eminence or brilliant achievement
51. cynosure: an object that serves as a focal point of attention and admiration
52. abecedarian: one who is learning the alphabet
"When it comes to Halo, I am an abecedarian, Jay is a cynosure, and Brent is a luminary."
53. adjuvant: serving to help or assist
54. truckle: to yield or bend obsequiously to the will of another
55. diktat: a harsh settlement unilaterally imposed on a defeated party
"Jay, here is my diktat: if you want to live with me when you grow up, you'll have to become an adjuvant truckler."
56. furbelow: something showy or superfluous
57. chary: wary; cautious
58. saturnine: having a sardonic or bitter aspect
59. reticent: inclined to keep silent
60. insouciant: marked by lighthearted unconcern or indifference
61. hebetude: mental dullness or sluggishness
62. cognoscente: a person with special knowledge of a subject
"The world is most saturnine when the cognoscentes remain chary, reticent, insouciant even, while the implacable morons make a furbelow of their hebetude."
63. gaucherie: a socially awkward or tactless act
64. refulgent: shining brightly
"Among anything but friends, this post would be a refulgent gaucherie."
65. malapropism: an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously
66. bowdlerize: to remove or modify the parts considered offensive
"If I were to bowdlerize this post and extract the malapropisms from what remained, there'd be nothing left!"
Monday, August 10, 2009
Google Speed Experiment
When the time came—in the third grade—to dress like what I wanted to be when I grew up, I did not wear scrubs, a white coat, or even a stethoscope. Instead, I tucked my father’s reflex hammer between my belt and cargo shorts, donned a safari hat, and did my best to impersonate a paleontologist. Paleontology (dinosaurs) had won out over law enforcement (shooting bad guys), marine biology (swimming with whale sharks), and professional soccer. I developed a talent for creative writing, which manifested every few years as a short story that exceeded the page limit by several times the page limit and once even as the screenplay of a drama production put on by my fourth grade class. I’m not exactly sure when medicine came into the picture. All I know is after so many years of exploration and contemplation, some spent in hot pursuit, others fleeing toward other doors, I have found what I aspire to be: a doctor.
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