Brazil's dispatching was not an isolated showstopper but rather the first of four riveting quarterfinals. Uruguay, not thinking much Ghana, started dominating play from the get-go, while the obliging Ghanaians, not thinking much of themselves either, let them. It was exactly what a stodgy, racist, senile dinosour (Englishman) would have expected of a match-up between South America and Africa: La Celeste danced in circles around the rock-footed Black Stars. The first 30 minutes of the game could be summarized by a single play. With no one around him and the ball soaring straight toward him, the Ghanaian keeper elected to punch it...straight up in the air. If the referee had not come unbeckoned to his rescue, there would have been hell to pay.But things turned around in the 30', when Ghana got their first corner and Visah headed it just wide of the upper left corner. The change in momentum was visible in the face of every player: suddenly Ghana remembered what game they were playing, while Uruguay realized they might actually be threatened. The shock on both sides turned the game on its head and Gyan's near miss at the near post (32') bolted it in this new awkward position. Ghana outplayed Uruguay for the rest of the half and capped it off--rather unexpectedly--with a goal in the 2nd minute of stoppage time. Muntari, turning on the ball 40 yards from goal, is left unchallenged while the Uruguayan defense trots past him to get in position. He looks around, finds no pass to his fancy, and takes one of those why-the-hell-not morale shots. Ghana were second only to Brazil in shots, so perhaps the effort should not have been such a surprise. But its trajectory definitely was! The ball actually flies straight at Gyan, who has to duck to let it by. Meanwhile, the keeper, screened by Gyan and his marker, chooses this exact moment to cheat to his right in order to catch a glimpse of what was going on with the ball. When the ball squirts over Gyan's ducked head and curls toward the left post, the keeper is caught moving the wrong way. So Muntari, barely doing anything at all, scores the opener for Ghana!
Ghana's lead didn't last long. Diego Forlan, who is up for player of the tournament in my book equalized on a free kick in the 55th minute, with a little help from the ball. His shot was only the 3rd free kick goal of the tournament. Swerving left and then right, it plunged unimpeded into the Ghanaian goal like a dagger into the heart of darkness. Overall, however, Uruguay seemed a little sluggish in the second half. Nevertheless, the game proceeded into overtime...and that's when things got interesting, especially for us.
You see, outside it was storming, and when the rain knocked out the satellite signal, we were stranded. Somehow, we have the only internet service provider that doesn't include ESPN3, so we were forced to watch the play-by-play and listen to the radio. I'm not sure why, but ESPN has chosen to replace their usual time-stamped "GameCast" with a stream of unstamped official and user commentary. So you can imagine our confusion when the terms red card and penalty kick started popping up on screen. It would be another half hour until we found out exactly what happened...
In the dying seconds of the game, Ghana caught the Uruguayan keeper out of position on a free kick, but he shot struck Suarez and bounced back out. The ricochet came to Adiyiah who headed back in. This time the ball seemed destined for goal...until the hands of Suarez stopped it. He had made a lunging keeper's save, both hands blocking the header. But his re-imagining of Maradona's Hand of God did not go unseen...or unpunished. The referee maneuvered toward him though the incensed crowd of players in the box and showed him the red card. Suarez, who had walked off rather nonchalantly, feigned surprise, but this time FIFA had gotten it right. He had made the ultimate sacrifice for his team, had given them one last chance to save this game. Naturally, the referee pointed to the penalty spot. And sent the Ghanaians into raptures.
Their seasoned penalty-kick veteran, Asamoah Gyan, stepped up to the spot. This was how Ghana had escaped the group stage: Gyan's two penalties were their only goals.
Surprise! He missed! With Africa's first semifinal berth served on a platter like a moist Bundt cake and a silver fork in his hand, Gyan stabbed at it and missed! His shot had hit the crossbar. Ghana's cake had toppled to the floor. (For those of you who think hitting the post is a Shot on Target, this is why it's not.)
Penalties! Except, imagine listening to penalties by radio. Wait, had we traveled back in time to 1930? Or maybe 1950? The years that Uruguay had won the World Cup?
1U. Forlan, first, scored easily, of course.
1G. Then Gyan. Scored also....beautifully. The keeper guessed correctly but the shot was unstoppable to the upper corner. I commend him for his nerves. But had he done this minutes earlier, he wouldn't go down in history as the only player to miss two penalty kicks in the World Cup (his first miss was in 2006).
2U. Victorino to the upper corner as well. Keeper tried the reaction save but failed, obviously.
2G. Appiah. Goal! But a little scary in the replay. The keeper got some fingers to it... not a good sign.
3U. Scotti. Ooh, just barely. The keeper prancing on his line, Scotti elected to shoot it on the ground...straight down the middle. Luckily, he was a little off center. If he hadn't been, it would be Ghana's chance to break.
3G. Mensah. Saved! Finally! You knew it had to be this way from the start of the shootout, but it was relieving nevertheless. South America always wins in PKs. We heard it on the radio and then got the broadcast to come back on just in time to see the replay. Really terrible shot by Mensah.
4U. Pereira with a chance to seal break point. OHHH, what did he do! He blasted it over the bar! What a blunder.
4G. Adiyiah, whose header was saved by the Hands of Suarez, with a chance to rescue Ghana. Nope! Another terrible PK, identical to Mensahs. It's the type of penalty kick that inexperienced school children take. Slow, on the ground, not near the corner, and (the worst part) struck with an opened hip that completely telegraphs the trajectory. I lost my final intramural championship because THREE of my teammates struck it this way. Luckily, the first got to retake because the keeper went off his line early. If you're going to go toward your dominant side, you have to whack it! The instep pass is not going to beat the keeper when you have to rotate your entire hip to do it. Maybe the best practice for a PK shooter is to try his hand in goal. Only when you learn what gives a shot away can you learn to disguise your own. If you really need to open your hip, then open it, give the keeper what he wants, and then shut it on him and shoot the other way. I love mind games.
5U. Abreu to win it. And he does...with the douchiest shot of the day. He just leans forward and roll-chips it down the center, while the keeper falls helplessly to his right. With that, Uruguay--the last team to qualify for the World Cup, the team that had to win a playoff vs. Costa Rica to get here--are suddenly in the semi-final. And Brazil isn't!July 2. It has been the Day of the Douche. Robben with his foul-drawing. The Netherlands offense toying around in front of
goal instead of putting Brazil away. Luis Suarez with the red-card save (the red card is supposed to be a deterrent--the real punishment may be far more severe). And finally Abreu with that cheeky shit! I hope we (the US) send Uruguay a fruit basket at least...FUNNY COMMENTARY:
"They always look agitated on the sideline, regardless...the coaches."
Ian Darke: "Suarez headed the corner flag in frustration. Children don't try that at home."
John Harkes: "Yeah, you'll poke your eye out."
...very subtle, John. You characterize the tragic difference between the English commentator and the American. One has subtlety and class, the other stupidity and crass. Guess which one you are? I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with ass.
The Ghana defenders start flopping in imitation of Suarez.
"There's a bit of argy-bargy between Suarez and the Ghanaian defenders. They think he's play-acting."
"Absolutely pole-axes there, the left back."
The funniest stat I have ever seen:
"Jorge Facile. 2 Fouls Suffered."
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