World Cup: Match 60 - Spain vs. Paraguay

Oh, the drama!

41' onsides goal called back. But was it? The goal scorer was not offsides, but the other forward, who challenged for the ball, and was therefore involved in the play, was!




FUNNY COMMENTARY:

"Spain trying to find the combination to the safe here."

"Torres on the ball..and still his world cup of frustration goes on."

"It used to be--a week ago maybe--South American teams were flourishing in this tournament. Now, it looks like Europe's on their way back, Ian. Do you feel good about that?"
"Not particularly, no."

"Certain teams, and England were one of them, just weren't good enough. And that's the brutal truth of it."

Wait, is this Spain or FC Barcelona?
"Well, Nelson Valdez...he's having a lot of enjoyment taking on the backs for Bar...for Spain here."

Stevie, I think the word you're looking for is pressured.
"They've played slightly different today. They've really pushed up for...tight and they've pressurized Spain."

"One lady in the crowd had a little sign saying, 'David, take me to your Villa,' haha!"

"Well, I'd really be interested in looking at the stats for connected passes from Busquets, because it's been very, very, very few. He keeps saying sorry to everyone and Xavi's having a go at him in the midfield."

"Again, the cross is

World Cup: Match 59 - Germany vs. Argentina

Anyone familiar with formal logic?
Germany have scored 2 goals -> Germany will score 2 more

Germany made Argentina look like they were standing still in the first 3 minutes...and then they made them pay for it. Schweinsteiger curled in a sublime cross on a free kick and Mueller beat his defender to the ball to nudge it just past the Argentine keeper. At this point, Argentina looked completely outclassed...and completely screwed.

But they rallied, keeping the majority of possession throughout the half. Unfortunately, their team comprised 1 goalie, 4 defenders, and 6 forwards. The lack of midfielders--of good passers--became more and more apparent throughout the game. Only Messi displayed the ability to put player's through, but his best effort--which produced a goal--was correctly called offsides. The height of the Germans made an aerial goal improbable, and the solidarity and compactness of the German defense made it hard for Messi to dribble through them. The Argentinian waves were crashing on an impenetrable German fortress.

Then, in the 68th minute, on a very, very patient passing play, Mueller fell down. It doesn't sound like the start of a great play, but it stopped/confused the Argentinians and when Mueller--lying on the ground--kicked a through ball to Podolski, Argentina was caught off guard completely. Podolski threaded it perfectly to Klose, who bobbled it in front of an open goal and touched it in for his 13th World Cup goal.

Now, Argentina were really in a bad spot, because this German team really knows how to punish a team that's clawing at a 2-nil deficit. Schweinsteiger showed his class and leadership when he dove into the box on a Messi-like dribble, penetrated easily to the goal line and notched it back quite comfortably to an open teammate, who passed it into the net. Argentina were completely unraveled. Finally, in the 89th minute, Germany got a 3-on-3 breakaway. Podolski passed it off just wide to Oezil, who on the run and with only on touch chipped it over the defense to Klose. Klose made it look easy with a clinical finish with the inside of his foot. That's 14 for Klose in the World Cup. He has tied Gerd Mueller's #2 record and is just one away from tying Ronaldo's #1 all-time World Cup goal scoring record of 15. If he gets two more...he retakes the title for Germany.

World Cup: Match 58 - Ghana vs. Uruguay

Brazil's dispatching was not an isolated showstopper but rather the first of four riveting quarterfinals. Uruguay, not thinking much Ghana, started dominating play from the get-go, while the obliging Ghanaians, not thinking much of themselves either, let them. It was exactly what a stodgy, racist, senile dinosour (Englishman) would have expected of a match-up between South America and Africa: La Celeste danced in circles around the rock-footed Black Stars. The first 30 minutes of the game could be summarized by a single play. With no one around him and the ball soaring straight toward him, the Ghanaian keeper elected to punch it...straight up in the air. If the referee had not come unbeckoned to his rescue, there would have been hell to pay.

But things turned around in the 30', when Ghana got their first corner and Visah headed it just wide of the upper left corner. The change in momentum was visible in the face of every player: suddenly Ghana remembered what game they were playing, while Uruguay realized they might actually be threatened. The shock on both sides turned the game on its head and Gyan's near miss at the near post (32') bolted it in this new awkward position. Ghana outplayed Uruguay for the rest of the half and capped it off--rather unexpectedly--with a goal in the 2nd minute of stoppage time. Muntari, turning on the ball 40 yards from goal, is left unchallenged while the Uruguayan defense trots past him to get in position. He looks around, finds no pass to his fancy, and takes one of those why-the-hell-not morale shots. Ghana were second only to Brazil in shots, so perhaps the effort should not have been such a surprise. But its trajectory definitely was! The ball actually flies straight at Gyan, who has to duck to let it by. Meanwhile, the keeper, screened by Gyan and his marker, chooses this exact moment to cheat to his right in order to catch a glimpse of what was going on with the ball. When the ball squirts over Gyan's ducked head and curls toward the left post, the keeper is caught moving the wrong way. So Muntari, barely doing anything at all, scores the opener for Ghana!

Ghana's lead didn't last long. Diego Forlan, who is up for player of the tournament in my book equalized on a free kick in the 55th minute, with a little help from the ball. His shot was only the 3rd free kick goal of the tournament. Swerving left and then right, it plunged unimpeded into the Ghanaian goal like a dagger into the heart of darkness. Overall, however, Uruguay seemed a little sluggish in the second half. Nevertheless, the game proceeded into overtime...and that's when things got interesting, especially for us.

You see, outside it was storming, and when the rain knocked out the satellite signal, we were stranded. Somehow, we have the only internet service provider that doesn't include ESPN3, so we were forced to watch the play-by-play and listen to the radio. I'm not sure why, but ESPN has chosen to replace their usual time-stamped "GameCast" with a stream of unstamped official and user commentary. So you can imagine our confusion when the terms red card and penalty kick started popping up on screen. It would be another half hour until we found out exactly what happened...

In the dying seconds of the game, Ghana caught the Uruguayan keeper out of position on a free kick, but he shot struck Suarez and bounced back out. The ricochet came to Adiyiah who headed back in. This time the ball seemed destined for goal...until the hands of Suarez stopped it. He had made a lunging keeper's save, both hands blocking the header. But his re-imagining of Maradona's Hand of God did not go unseen...or unpunished. The referee maneuvered toward him though the incensed crowd of players in the box and showed him the red card. Suarez, who had walked off rather nonchalantly, feigned surprise, but this time FIFA had gotten it right. He had made the ultimate sacrifice for his team, had given them one last chance to save this game. Naturally, the referee pointed to the penalty spot. And sent the Ghanaians into raptures.
Their seasoned penalty-kick veteran, Asamoah Gyan, stepped up to the spot. This was how Ghana had escaped the group stage: Gyan's two penalties were their only goals.

Surprise! He missed! With Africa's first semifinal berth served on a platter like a moist Bundt cake and a silver fork in his hand, Gyan stabbed at it and missed! His shot had hit the crossbar. Ghana's cake had toppled to the floor. (For those of you who think hitting the post is a Shot on Target, this is why it's not.)

Penalties! Except, imagine listening to penalties by radio. Wait, had we traveled back in time to 1930? Or maybe 1950? The years that Uruguay had won the World Cup?

1U. Forlan, first, scored easily, of course.
1G. Then Gyan. Scored also....beautifully. The keeper guessed correctly but the shot was unstoppable to the upper corner. I commend him for his nerves. But had he done this minutes earlier, he wouldn't go down in history as the only player to miss two penalty kicks in the World Cup (his first miss was in 2006).
2U. Victorino to the upper corner as well. Keeper tried the reaction save but failed, obviously.
2G. Appiah. Goal! But a little scary in the replay. The keeper got some fingers to it... not a good sign.
3U. Scotti. Ooh, just barely. The keeper prancing on his line, Scotti elected to shoot it on the ground...straight down the middle. Luckily, he was a little off center. If he hadn't been, it would be Ghana's chance to break.
3G. Mensah. Saved! Finally! You knew it had to be this way from the start of the shootout, but it was relieving nevertheless. South America always wins in PKs. We heard it on the radio and then got the broadcast to come back on just in time to see the replay. Really terrible shot by Mensah.
4U. Pereira with a chance to seal break point. OHHH, what did he do! He blasted it over the bar! What a blunder.
4G. Adiyiah, whose header was saved by the Hands of Suarez, with a chance to rescue Ghana. Nope! Another terrible PK, identical to Mensahs. It's the type of penalty kick that inexperienced school children take. Slow, on the ground, not near the corner, and (the worst part) struck with an opened hip that completely telegraphs the trajectory. I lost my final intramural championship because THREE of my teammates struck it this way. Luckily, the first got to retake because the keeper went off his line early. If you're going to go toward your dominant side, you have to whack it! The instep pass is not going to beat the keeper when you have to rotate your entire hip to do it. Maybe the best practice for a PK shooter is to try his hand in goal. Only when you learn what gives a shot away can you learn to disguise your own. If you really need to open your hip, then open it, give the keeper what he wants, and then shut it on him and shoot the other way. I love mind games.
5U. Abreu to win it. And he does...with the douchiest shot of the day. He just leans forward and roll-chips it down the center, while the keeper falls helplessly to his right. With that, Uruguay--the last team to qualify for the World Cup, the team that had to win a playoff vs. Costa Rica to get here--are suddenly in the semi-final. And Brazil isn't!

July 2. It has been the Day of the Douche. Robben with his foul-drawing. The Netherlands offense toying around in front of goal instead of putting Brazil away. Luis Suarez with the red-card save (the red card is supposed to be a deterrent--the real punishment may be far more severe). And finally Abreu with that cheeky shit! I hope we (the US) send Uruguay a fruit basket at least...


FUNNY COMMENTARY:

"They always look agitated on the sideline, regardless...the coaches."

Ian Darke: "Suarez headed the corner flag in frustration. Children don't try that at home."
John Harkes: "Yeah, you'll poke your eye out."
...very subtle, John. You characterize the tragic difference between the English commentator and the American. One has subtlety and class, the other stupidity and crass. Guess which one you are? I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with ass.

The Ghana defenders start flopping in imitation of Suarez.
"There's a bit of argy-bargy between Suarez and the Ghanaian defenders. They think he's play-acting."

"Absolutely pole-axes there, the left back."

The funniest stat I have ever seen:
"Jorge Facile. 2 Fouls Suffered."

World Cup: Match 57 - Brazil vs. Netherlands

VS.






The Quarterfinal match-up that most foresaw when the groups were drawn, that many lamented for coming too early, and some even called the "real final" of World Cup 2010 was the best of the tournament so far.Holland is rightly described as the best team never to win the World Cup. Recently, they had looked excellent, unstoppable at times. They qualified for South Africa 8-0 with 17 goals for and only 2 against. They had also been perfect this year, beating US and Mexico 2-1, Ghana 4-1, and Hungary 6-1 after conceding the first goal. I would describe the Netherlands as a bored cat playing with a mouse that it has already caught. So long as the mouse keeps quiet, it dies without much pain. But should the mouse lash out, like Ghana or Hungary did, all the claws would come out.The group stage caught little of the Dutch's interest and they coasted through it without challenge (one of two teams with a perfect winning record). Slovakia also failed to cause alarm in the second round. For this reason, I feared the worst: after facing little competition in their previous 4 games, how could the Dutch possibly gear up for Brazil, who had faced much more formidable opponents in Chile, Portugal, Ivory Coast, and even surprisingly staunch North Korea. In my eyes, the Netherlands were doomed against Brazil, and though I sported a Dutch jersey, I did not dare to hope.

My fears were realized the moment the whistle blew. Brazil played the most beautiful soccer I have ever seen in my life and in the 10th minute scored an incredible goal. Felipe Melo made a brilliant pass on the ground from the center circle that sliced between the Dutch center backs and found Robinho on the run, who put it away first-time in classic Robinho fashion. It was an unbelievable pass, but the defensive laxity of the Dutch was equally unbelievable. Andre Ooijer, who will turn 36 the day of the final, was the immediate scapegoat. He had started the game unceremoniously when Joris Mathijsen injured himself during the pregame warm-up. But the entire Dutch back line were to blame, as winger Arjen Robben was actually the only one chasing down Robinho when he scored.

After the goal, Brazil's dominance continued and the Dutch had little to say about it. Both in passing and dribbling, the Dutch were completely outclassed. Even Robben had been neatly packaged to a box labeled 'Return to sender.' The Brazilians had developed the killer defense against his killer left footed shot. Instead of standing in front of him, they lingered on his left, making it impossible for him to cut the ball onto his left foot. They stood so far to his left, in fact, that his view of the goal was completely clear. If only he could rip it with his right...

The Dutch were completely unraveled again in the 31st minute, when Robinho did up three defenders down the left side, passed it despite a foul to Luis Fabiano, who found Kaka at the top of the box. Kaka maneuvered the ball into position and let fly a curling shot toward the upper 90. With all hope hanging in the balance, the Dutch keeper, Maarten Stekelenburg made a sprawling save that reminded all of us what the word meant. Reaching with his right hand toward the left corner, he just barely managed to bat the ball away. The Dutch weathered the last 15 minutes of the half and retreated to the locker room, lucky not to be bleeding more.At this point I said, "If the Dutch don't score right at the start of the second half, it's over." It was a very big if. Brazil were playing better than I'd ever seen them play. They would need to come out completely asleep to concede a goal. In fact, Brazil were undefeated when leading at halftime (35-0-2) and had only been beaten twice when scoring first (53-2-4)!!!

Miraculously, marvelously, majestically, that's just what happened. I can't explain it but the teams that stepped back on the field were not the same as those that left it. Suddenly, Brazil seemed sluggish and Netherlands alive. Robben became a true pest. It was as if, during the break, he had devised an entirely new way to play the game. Instead of attacking the goal, he invited defenders to attack him, waiting until the very, very last second to poke the ball out of reach. He would be clearly in no position to get the ball, but when the Brazilian tackles sent him flying into the air or sprawling onto the grass, it was hard to argue. Brazil even moved Michel Bastos to the other side, after he got carded for repeated attempts on Robben's ankles. Robben drew 8 fouls over the course of the game.

In the 53rd minute, the man who had crafted Brazil's goal crafted their undoing. Trying to head away a cross from Wesley Sneijder, Felipe Melo only skimmed the ball...and got in Julio Cesar's way in the process. From there, Sneijder's beautiful cross just continued on its merry way into the back of the net. A goal for Sneijder! A goal for the Netherlands!! A goal for the whole world!!!

Then, in the 68th minute, on a corner kick by Arjen Robben, the Dutch achieved the unthinkable. Dirk Kuyt beat his defender to the near post and flicked it onto the head of the shortest player on the field, none other than Wesley Sneijder (5'7"). After flipping the ball into the far corner and watching it ripple the net sweetly, he ran off laughing and slapping his bald head. I could watch this goal over and over and over again. For me it was the best moment of the World Cup, not only because I so badly want the Dutch to win it all, but also because I'm so glad Brazil are out. I don't hate them or anything, it's just that their penchant for winning is making the World Cup boring. Five times is ridiculous. They've won it on every continent it's been played on...(until now!). They are so good, so beautiful to watch, and that's why it's so exciting to see them lose! YYEESS!!!











Felipe Melo sealed Brazil's fate in the 73rd minute, when Robben's improvised come-foul-me strategy finally overcame him. Frustrated at what he thought was diving, Melo lashed down at the down forward with his cleat and earned himself a straight ejection. After noticing just how involved Felipe Melo was in this game, I took a closer look at Holland's second goal, just to search for some plausible connection, no matter how outlandish. It was better that I could dream: guess who was marking Sneijder when he scored???

Felipe Melo is a villain in Brazil but a hero around the world!

The rest of the game was...weird. With only ten men and a goal behind, Brazil's chances didn't look good, even as they flung forces forward. The Netherlands had several GOLDEN opportunities on counter-attacks but didn't really seem interested in scoring, somehow. Honestly, they would outnumber the Brazilians 4-2 in the box and just sit on the ball until they lost it. I've heard of wasting time, but this was ridiculous! Especially when another goal is so much more effective at protecting a lead... Maybe they did it out respect? Or maybe they did it because they were still couldn't believe their luck... I'm still having trouble!

This is the best thing that's happened for the World Cup since Zidane ousted Brazil in the quarterfinal of the last one or at least since Michael Ballack got injured, freeing Germany of his 176lbs of dead weight.

And on a funnier note, The Curse of the Nike Write The Future Commercial has reaped its last victim! Hahahaha! Ronaldinho even before the tournament started. Franck Ribery and Fabio Cannavaro in embarrassing group-stage eliminations. Didier Drogba out of the group stage as well. Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo out in the second round. And Robinho, who wasn't even in the original commercial, is now Nike's last victim (I hope). I'm pretty sure they scrambled to shoot his "future" once all their other stars fell out of the sky...Nike, Nike, Nike. For a company named for the goddess of victory, this is a disaster.

FUNNY COMMENTARY:

About the Brazilian head coach:
"Dunga means dopey. He was named for one of the seven dwarves."
"Maybe grumpy would have been more appropriate."

No idea:
"I promise that will be talked over many a cappuccino."

They are sweet:
"Oh the tears in Rio tonight!"

World Cup: Match 56 - Spain vs. Portugal

"GOOOOOAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!"
(pause)
NOT!!!!!"

I had fun shouting this at the eager Spain fans watching on HD in the other room, whose broadcast was a few seconds slower than mine. I was cheering for Portugal and needed some way to vent my frustration at the one-sided refereeing. The boy who cried wolf (Cristiano Ronaldo) finally got what he deserved. Every time he got hacked, which was more or less every time he got the ball, the referee just told him to get up. Normally, Ronaldo dives like--and as often--as one of those synchronized swimmer girls wearing pink shower caps and twirling their smooth-shaven legs. But in this game, he was definitely getting mauled by the Spaniards, who were getting more than their fair share of foul calls. For the first time in my life, I pitied Cristiano Ronaldo.

For a while, Portugal seemed like they could pull the game out to a draw like they had against Brazil, but Spain was just too strong and in the 63rd minute, Xavi gave David Villa a one-on-one with a clever back-heel. Villa botched his first shot, but the rebound came straight back to him and he wasn't going to miss twice. Portugal--one of the strongest defenses of the tournament--had fallen to the Spain's veritable armada, proving yet again that defense is for losers.

World Cup: Match 55 - Paraguay vs. Japan

Japan's uniforms were loosely based on the spider-man costume, while Paraguay's fashioned after the original Super Mario. As such, I was expecting an epic showdown; unfortunately...

This contest was as effectual as a battle between knights in plate mail trying to beat each other to death with sticks. Neither team could summon up the quality finishing they showed in the group stage, but there was some very nice soccer, occasionally. It made me realize that it would be nice if replays occasionally showed some soccer, in addition to shots and fouls. But I think I'll have to wait a LONG time before ESPN caters to a more sophisticated audience. As far as I can tell, most Americans still think soccer is boring and the ones that cross-over from "real football" are only intelligent enough to understand big kick, boom goal.

In the 60th minute, my friend asked me if I had any predictions for the game. I told him, "Japan in penalty kicks." He rolled his eyes and left, though I wasn't too disappointed to watch the first penalty shoot out of the tournament.

I got a little worried there might be a goal after Japan tried some intrasquad fellatio to raise morale in the 67th minute, but they failed to conceive, even with an hour of play remaining.

When the game did finally go to penalty kicks, I saw the Japanese coach's face and realized my prediction was half-wrong. I had based it on Endo and Honda, two excellent strikers of the ball, but neglected to realize this was an Asian team going up against a South American team in penalty kicks. I don't even have faith in a European team going up against South America in penalties...!

Japan held strong for a while, their keeper guessing correctly a couple of times, but the Chilean shots were always too strong and too far to the corners. With tons of pressure, Komano--the third Japanese penalty taker--blasted his shot into the crossbar, along with his team's chances for advancement. Valdez stepped up and finished brazenly down the center of the goal to solidify the penalty shootout equivalent of "break point." Keisuke Honda stepped up professionally, waited for the keeper to dive, and shot the other way to give Japan one last chance. Cardozo, feeling threatened by Honda's showmanship, pulled the same number on the Japanese keeper who was a good three yards off his line by the time the ball left the penalty spot. That made it 5-3 and Japan's last kick unnecessary.

Rule #2 held up. South American teams can only be eliminated by other South American teams.

Funny Commentary:

Talking about the Chilean coach pacing up and down the sideline anxiously.
"The loneliness of the long distance coach. I think he's walked a marathon on the side."

World Cup: Match 54 - Brazil vs. Chile

I'm not sure why my friend decided to watch Toy Story 3 instead of this, but this game definitely had a Toy Story start. South American countries have the most ridiculous anthems...

Just hit play while you read the rest of this blog and tell me the sound doesn't call up images of toys dancing and prancing...

Brazil just scored 3 awesome goals and that was the game.
1) The goal that broke the blockade came on a corner kick. The only player marking Juan--the goalscorer--was teammate Luis Fabiano. This is an obvious lesson: "You cannot allow free headers in the box" ... especially against Brazil.
2) Damn, this is a Brazilian samba goal. Robinho to Kaka, one touch with the look-away to Luis Fabiano, who dribbles the keeper and passes it in. A real beauty, though I really despise Kaka and suffer in giving him any praise.
3) Ramires just thunders straight through the middle of the field, leaves it for Robinho when a defender finally challenges him, and Robinho curls it gracefully past the keeper. Excellent.

And the first South American team makes its exit. This makes the 2nd Rule of World Cup 2010: South American teams can only be eliminated by other South American teams.

The 1st Rule of World Cup 2010 is for Africa: Home field advantage helps a lot, but it doesn't make you good.

World Cup: Match 53 - Netherlands vs. Slovakia

Arjen Robben: Porn on a soccer field. Just watch this goal. Robben chases down a long pass from Sneijder, cuts it to his left foot, taking on three defenders, and buries it in the bottom right corner of the goal, through the defender's legs. The best part is...he scores like this ALL the time. I am convinced. Robben #11 is getting stamped onto the back of my Netherlands jersey.

Robben played sexily all game, nearly scoring a second goal in his patented fashion and almost earning an assist through the defender's legs. Unfortunately, the Slovakian keeper blocked Mathijsen's shot with his face...

The Netherlands scored again when Dirk Kuyt beat the Slovakian keeper to the ball, headed it over him and played it calmly to Wesley Sneijder who finished before the keeper had time to retreat fully (84'). Sneijder (5'7") celebrated by jumping onto Kuyt's (6'0") shoulder, who spun him around and carried him off.

The Slovakians finally made it interesting in the dying moments of the game when they slipped the ball to Martin Jakubko who cut it past the Dutch keeper but got tripped by his outstretched arms. Robert Vittek, who missed a golden opportunity earlier in the game, finished off the penalty for his 4th and final goal of the tournament. The game then ended on a rather confusing note as the referee blew his whistle before the Slovaks had time to snatch the ball out of the net. The Slovaks looked a little disoriented, but Giovanni van Bronckhorst knew what was up and his hand signals seemed to suggest, that's it, let's get the fuck out of here.

World Cup: Match 52 - Argentina vs. Mexico

Historically, Mexico has been the solid team that always makes it out of the group stage and then no further. In the 2006 World Cup, they were eliminated in the second round by Argentina on a stinger missile shot by Maxi Rodriguez...in extra time. And who did they face this time? None other than Argentina. Poor, poor Mexico...

Argentina kicked off the scoring with a little love from FIFA, who failed to see the five meters between Tevez and the last two defenders. I blame the goal on Oscar Perez, the Mexican keeper, who let the ball squirt out straight to Messi for the unhesitating chip that placed the ball directly on the head of Tevez (26'). Not ten minutes later, Mexico absolutely undid themselves when defender Ricardo Osorio passed it to Higuain, who dribbled around the keeper while being fouled from behind to put Argentina up 2-0 (33'). I wouldn't be surprised if he was met with a horrible accident when he returned home...

Tevez capped it off in the 52nd minute with a blistering shot from distance--one of the best goals of the tournament. 22-year old Javier Hernandez scored a consolation goal for Mexico (71') on a beautiful outside-of-the-foot turn inside the box, finished with a stunning shot to the roof of the net. Promise for a brighter future, perhaps???

Messi still hasn't scored in this tournament, but he has been behind almost every single one of Argentina's goals. Let's go through them:

1. Heinze's header vs. Nigeria - Not involved, but he definitely peppers the goal throughout the game
2. South Korea's own goal - Messi plays the curving ball into the box that deflects off the defender's shinguard
3. Higuain's 1st goal vs. South Korea - Messi passes to Rodriguez who plays it into the box
4. Higuain's 2nd goal vs. South Korea - Messi shoots, keeper blocks, Messi shoots again, off the post, Higuain taps it in
5. Higuain's 3rd goal vs. South Korea - Messi draws 4! defenders at the top of the box, chips it over them to Aguero, who finds Higuain all alone in the box. Why? Because all the defenders were marking Messi, of course!
6. Demichelis goal vs. Greece - not involved
7. Palermo goal vs. Greece - Messi on the give-and-go, Messi does them dirty, Messi's shot is blocked and Palermo slides it passed the downed keeper
8. Tevez's 1st goal vs. Mexico - Messi tries the through ball, blocked by the keeper, chips it to Tevez one-time for the header goal
9. Higuain's goal vs. Mexico - The Mexican defender was looking at Messi when he gave it away to Higuain. Maybe Messi's dribble is not the only thing mesmeric about him...
10. Tevez's 2nd goal vs. Mexico - Not involved

Ok, that's 7/10 with 3 assists. I'm too lazy to review all the highlights, but I'm pretty sure Messi has already hit the post 5 times and challenged the keeper at least as much. Even if he isn't scoring goals, he's drawing away defenders, beating players on the dribble, playing brilliant through balls, peppering the goal with shots on target: in summary, he's really living up to his expectations. Even if Messi does not score a single goal this World Cup, the "diminutive" captain will still undoubtedly have been Argentina's best player.

World Cup: Match 51 - Germany vs. England

England's loss--no, unraveling--against the ruthless Germans was somewhat of a consolation prize after the United States' elimination at the feet of Ghana the day before. I started watching at 2-1 and got to see two beautiful German goals. For the first I have to give half the credit to Bastian Schweinsteiger, whose cunning diagonal dribble toward the goal-box cut off a defender racing back to help out. The second half goes to Thomas Mueller who smashed it past a wrong-leaning David James. But the fourth goal was all Mesut Oezil, who absolutely burned Gareth Barry down the sideline, despite the latter having a 10-yd head start.

After the game, which looked like a smashing victory of Germany, I learned of England's controversial goal, or, rather, the controversial refereeing that missed the obvious goal. Although I can definitely commiserate with England, but the onus is still on them. When the referee denies you a goal, the soccer gods shift their favor to you. The injustice ignites your fans. And the feeling that you deserve better should quicken your soul, should make your attack relentless until the injustice is righted. The US played that way against Algeria. England did not play that way against Germany. Instead, their spirits fizzled and died out.

The English coach claimed, "The goal was very important...we could have played a different style." What style is that? Defensive? Holding out for penalty kicks? Why? England are 0-3 in World Cup penalty kick shootouts. One of those was in a semi-final against Germany in 1990. They lost to Germany again in PKs in Euro 1996.

Dare I say, I don't think that goal would have helped England in the end...Germany are far too scary for that, far too fast without (that scrub) Michael Ballack.

FUNNY COMMENTARY:

"England for the moment looking shell-shocked."
"They've been outclassed, Martin."

"This is almost like a school team to let in a goal like that."

"Do you think it helps that Ballack's injured?"

"Why did the Germans win."
"They were quicker...stronger...more intelligent." - Jurgen Klinsmann

World Cup: Match 50 - USA vs. Ghana

I was hoping to see 1 billion Africans mourn, as the last hope of their continent were eliminated by the US. But much to my chagrin, the US team continued to play politically: attacking only after being attacked.

I was not surprised that Ghana got the first goal but not too worried either, given our penchant for comebacks, but I was furious that it happened in the 5th minute! And on a defensive give away!!! If the US proved one thing this World Cup, it's that we SUCK at defense. Ricardo Clark straight up lost the ball. Jay Demerit defended like a cactus. And Tim Howard didn't cover the near post. WHAT THE HELL (#1)!!!

But if we were going to concede a goal, it's good that we did it so early, in order to maximize the time remaining for an equalizer. At last it came in the 62nd minute, when "Clempsey" (Clint Dempsey) got fouled in the box and Donovan kissed the penalty dangerously off the woodwork. Hooray...except that's 5/5 goals score by our midfield (and 7/7 if you count disallowed goals). If the US proved two things this World Cup, it's that we SUCK at defense AND our forwards SUCK at scoring. Where was Jozy Altidore? I know he's only 20 years old, but he's big and strong and just muscles people off of the ball. How about some goals? The closest he came to scoring was a point blank shot he smashed over the crossbar that he should have left for Donovan to put away (against Algeria, I believe). As for our other forward, we didn't have one! What was Bill Bradley (the coach) thinking starting Robbie Findley over and over and over again!? He doesn't score goals, so he's useless as a forward. And when he's trying to make a pass, he looks utterly lost, so he's worthless as a playmaker. He looked utterly lost the entire tournament! The best thing that happened for the US against Slovenia was Findley's yellow card, which kept him out of the Algeria game. Hmm, looks like US did not concede so long as Findley was off... What was wrong with Edson Buddle? He was a fighter and he could pass. That's two things he had on Findley. Or Hercules Gomez? Damn, he missed a lot of opportunities, but at least he could get himself into those positions! WHAT THE HELL (#2)!!!

Our equalizing goal gave me only a moment's respite until I saw our future flash before my eyes, Nike-"Write the Future"-commercial-style. Oh no, I said, now the US is going to slow down again and play for penalties. But Ghana will score first in extra time and we'll have to come from behind AGAIN! Unfortunately, my realization could not help the team, and that's exactly what happened. We took our foot of the gas pedal...we played like pussies.

I'm not sure of it was the coach's call or simply a loss of urgency that washed over us, but we were definitely playing for penalty kicks. WHY!? What team gains the momentum with a well-earned equalizing goal and then hands it right back to the other team? Now we're even: let's WIN. Win! ...win? Do you know what that means? Try to score a goal before the other team does! What was it with our team this World Cup? We just didn't want to win any games. We waited for England to score before we tried playing offense. We waited for Slovenia to score two goals before we tried at all. And even against Algeria, we waited for England to score, for a solidified early elimination, before we really started hammering Algeria. In fact, before England scored, we nearly conceded...and once they did score, we definitely waited for the last possible minute. WHAT THE HELL (#3)!!!

We are truly procrastinators. You can't seriously expect to do well in the World Cup if you only lead the scoreboard for 3 out of 407 minutes played!!! Why did we play defensively? Our defense isn't good enough! Our forwards can't even score when we're dominating possession--how could we expect them to score against the run of play? BAD DEFENSE + BAD FORWARDS is not a recipe for a defensive side. Who were we trying to be...Italy? Italy usually scores before they defend, not the other way around.

But let's not take credit from Ghana. Although the US underperformed, Ghana played excellently, displaying the tenacity and hunger that wins games and drives teams deep into the tournament. Their first goal was merciless; their second, more merciless.

Five minutes into the game, they showed precision shooting that had been completely absent in the group stage. Until then, Ghana had only scored on penalties. In fact, Ghana's qualification transpired more or less due to the turn of events--mere happenstance--rather than the innate drive that put the other 31 teams through. In other words, they hardly deserved their second round berth. However, given FIFA's obvious bias against the US, I was certain that Ghana would be gifted another penalty against us. Ironically, it was we who scored on a penalty.

Ghana's second goal captured perfectly the will to win. Asamoah Gyan just powered through our defense, all by himself, and buried it even more powerfully into the net, right over Tim Howard. Just watch the goal. This was a completely solo effort. The ball that he collected was a cleared out of the back, fired straight into the air by a defender who wasn't even facing forward! Bocanegra and Demerit just looked like fools as they let the ball bounce between them, let Gyan take it on his chest and stumble toward goal with it. Gyan broke through our defense, ravaged our goal, and buried our dream...because, surely, what team could deliver a SIXTH comeback goal?

Winning is for the tenacious, for the hungry. Every team that has tried to hole up--with the exception of Uruguay--is out of the tournament: North Korea, Switzerland, Italy, ... (now Portugal). Defense doesn't work. It's just improbable to count on your defense to hold up for an hour and a half against an undying onslaught. At least score first, then defend. Uruguay did that against South Korea, so when South Korea did score, they were safe, had time to buy their next goal and then defended again.

The US team was strongest when we attacked in numbers, with a sense of urgency. So why, when that was so obvious, did we not play to our strengths? Part of the reason is that we're afraid. It's fine when we're the underdogs: we play great, because we have nothing to lose. But suddenly, when the pressure is on, when the world expects something from us, when we are good enough to win, we choke. The world will never respect the US soccer team until we play like we are worth respecting. For now, we are the prime example of a mediocre team, which can easily be identified as playing up to the level of better competition and down to the level of worse. The path to the semi-final was so open to us. Everything happened perfectly to put us into the easiest quadrant. Our vengeance was laid out beautifully before us. It was time to trounce the team that had sent us home in 2006. And we failed.

That's at least four more years I--and every other US fan--have to wait before we witness that magical moment, when finally--finally!--our testicles drop as a soccer nation.

World Cup: Match 49 - Uruguay vs. South Korea

Two teams that weren't necessarily expected to make it to the second round played a rather exciting, excellent match for being "weak" sides. I joined the game a little late (81st minute), just in time to see the replay of Luis Suarez's bender off the far post. What a magnificent goal! Trailing 2-1 in the dying minutes of the game, Lee Dong-Gook got a golden opportunity for South Korea when he found himself with time and space alone in front of the keeper. Unfortunately, he muffed his shot, which squeezed just barely under the keeper's legs but not much farther* as the defense recovered to clear it off the line.
From what I'm told, Korea was unfortunate with the result, as they outplayed the Uruguayans for the majority of the game. But I can give two reasons why Uruguay earned this victory.

1) Uruguay has been playing defensively this whole tournament, except maybe against South Africa. So far, it's worked great, as they have yet to fall behind. In fact, South Korea were the first to score on them. But when you're up a goal against an evenly matched opponent, it's not surprising that you end up defending a lot as your opponent pushes forward. It's just the nature of the game, when one team is chasing the scoreline.

2) This strategy works very well for them, because their solid defense is complemented by the perfect offensive duo that can score against the run of play: the sneaky, ever-dangerous veteran Diego Forlan and the tenacious youngster Luis Suarez. The duo have combined for 4 out of 5 of Uruguay's goals, including the goal in the 8th minute against South Korea, where Forlan cut past his defender and sent a searching ball across the goal that beat the keeper and found Suarez lurking unmarked at the far post. Suarez scored against the run of play to get Uruguay the go-ahead goal vs. Mexico (which saved them from playing Argentina) and he scored against South Korea to deliver Uruguay into the Quarterfinals.

And maybe Uruguay were a little lucky, but it's always nice to be lucky, in addition to being good. After all, soccer is a game of probability. The team that plays better usually has the greater number and quality of chances, but goals are never certain.

*(Thank you, Chelsea, I only caught this in the edit.)

World Cup: Match 48 - Spain vs. Chile

I was hoping for the upset, simply because it would have been funny to watch the favorites go out in the group stage, but in the end I am glad that Spain found their feet and were able to score goals against Chile, whose defense is nowhere near as good as the Swiss's. The first goal, even if it came on a mistake by the goalkeeper, was a real beauty, and though David Villa made it look easy, it certainly wasn't.

The goal was set in motion by a possible breakaway pass for Fernando Torres. Although Torres has shown nothing of the power and talent he demonstrated in the final of Euro 2008, Chile still seemed very afraid of him, afraid enough that their goalie came sprinting out to meet the ball. But instead of pounding it high into the stands, he slide tackled it weakly, straight to onrushing David Villa, who was lethal at 45 yards against the helpless, unprotected Chilean goal. His one-time shot curved majestically into the back right corner of the net (24').

Spain also earned a very pretty goal in the 37th minute when Iniesta one-timed it sweetly past his defender and the keeper. It wasn't a hard shot at all, just pure finesse, pure Iniesta, pure Spain.

Despite having a player ejected in the very same play, they stunned Spain with a goal right after the break, a goal that said, for those of you watching (Brazil), we are not afraid! I would add Chile to my list of teams with heart, but the last 20 minutes of the game proved otherwise, as both teams seemed perfectly content to ride the game out with a 2-1 result. It's the type of playing you hope never to see in a World Cup game, both teams just wasting time, but the Group Stage was old and tired, and there was nothing left for it to give in its dying breaths.

Spain = Barcelona (#1 La Liga) + Real Madrid (#2 La Liga) - Messi (#1 scorer La Liga) - Ronaldo (#2 scorer La Liga). And that's definitely what they're missing: creative scorers. David Villa is good, but Messi and Ronaldo are on a whole different level. I think it took Spain a couple games to realize they weren't just Barcelona + Real Madrid, that they couldn't just mesmerize the other team and sneak Messi in or count on Ronaldo to score off a free kick or win a penalty with his excellent diving. It will be amusing to watch the Real Madrid squad face their best player against Portugal and--if Spain make it so far--the Barcelona squad face their best player against Argentina. I just hope they don't pass them the ball by accident...

World Cup: Match 47 - Switzerland vs. Honduras

0-0!!!
Who would have predicted Switzerland's performance in this World Cup? They stuffed Spain's offense for 90 minutes and then scored on them! But they couldn't stuff Chile or score on them. And then, when they needed a win and were playing maybe the worst team in the tournament, they couldn't perform! In fact, Honduras had the better of the chances and if they had any sort of scoring ability, Switzerland would have gone it in even greater embarrassment. Switzerland added itself to the list of teams that lacked the nerve to win. I'm talking about teams like France, Nigeria, Serbia, Denmark, Italy, teams that are going home not because they didn't have the ability to do well but because they didn't have the heart. So far, I've seen two teams with heart: USA and Slovakia.

Before the game I was worried that three teams would finish with 6pts in Group H and Chile would lose out on goal differential, despite winning their first two games. But I shouldn't have been. When have the Swiss ever been real competitors? Chee-eese.

World Cup: Match 46 - Brazil vs. Portugal

The colony vs. the colonist. Mother vs. daughter. Portuguese pizazz vs. Brazilian brilliance. This could have been an epic game, and it would have been if either team feared elimination, feared Spain a little more, or just felt like winning. But that wasn't the case and the game finished with approximately one chance for each side and 0 goals.

Surprisingly, Portugal has shown a knack for defense and have yet to allow a goal. They definitely went with a defensive side against Brazil and left Cristiano Ronaldo alone up top...against 4 Brazilian defenders.

But I like Portugal: they were wary against a decent but dangerous Ivory Coast side and very cautious against Brazil, but when it came time to face 105-ranked North Korea, they really went to town. The finished the group with a +7 goal differential, despite two nil-nil draws! Spain better be careful... I know at least one person who wouldn't be surprised by a Brazil-Portugal rematch in the final.